Life of Bear

Life of Bear – The Return of the Bear. Version 2.0

Phew. It’s been a long time since I wrote a blog post. I wonder if any of you still remember me (or even remotely care?)

Anyways, I feel obligated to explain my latest string of depressing Facebook status updates (and to promise that I won’t subject you to EMO BEAR again :).  Even if I write this post solely to myself, it will serve as vindication and true realisation of a new goal and hopefully my new future. Essentially I guess, once I publish this post and let the interwebs (and my 3 fans) know about it, one can assume there is no turning back….

Let’s start this blog off with a really great quote, which sums up my mindset right now:
“It’s impossible.” said pride. “It’s risky.” said experience. “It’s pointless.” said reason. “Give it a try.” whispered the heart.”

In a nutshell, the last 6months have been pretty dismal. Work, my desk, the ball and chain that lay beside it, the structured office hours and the ever-present spreadsheets have taken its toll. And yes, I will admit, this is an age-old issue, one that I have been wrestling with internally for years. I am not built for a 8-5 job, where I do not speak to anyone.  or move for 9 hours. I’ve always known this. And yet been content to settle.

But somehow, this time has been different. There has been an incredible sense of frustration and an overwhelming sense of desperation to escape, with an intensity that I have never experienced. The pressure to find myself was finally forced into becoming a reality. I had reached my breaking point. I could no longer sit on it for another five years, or tell myself that changing jobs would fix it…. it was time.

So I embarked on a journey. To discover, record, calculate and analyse what I love to do; and how I could translate this into a career that I love. A “job” that could give me what I needed out for a “career”. Which is a whole list of pre-determined things. Things that I want from my life. And those who know me will know that they have been carefully tabulated into a spreadsheet and cross-referenced with time lines…. 😉

And I’ve finally got it. I really think I do. And before I tell you, I know it’s maybe unrealistic. I am not naive. I know it’s going to be hard. I will probably be poor for awhile. I know that maybe I am not physically the best example of this. I know this.

But what I do know that I need to do THIS. So I’m putting all of you haters out my mind, TOTALLY not telling my dad until it’s too late (considering even buying my work email domain name… he’ll never know!), and I am going to give it a try.

Starting from next month, I am going to be completing my 2 year National Diploma in Specialised Fitness and Nutrition, via distance learning at ETA, while I continue my current job.  Essentially, after one year I will be a qualified Personal Trainer and in my second year, I will go on to specialised studies in pregnant ladies, morbid obesity, exercises for the adolescent and old people.  I will also complete additional modules in sports massage, nutrition for performance (like for training athletes), Pilates and yoga instruction.

In July 2012, I am hoping to pack in this full-time office stuff forever and start my own business, focusing on helping people achieve their fitness goals. I will start building a client base now already, while I complete my practical hours and hopefully will be able to get it going after I qualify in my first year and then continue my specialised studies in the 2nd.

It’s going to be an ASS lot of work, especially now with studying while working full-time plus practical hours, but I can do it. I want to do it. Health and wellness gets me so excited. Maybe it’s because I was so ill for so many years and the mere idea of health was such an unachievable ideal. I want to inspire others, the way I have been inspired by my Personal Trainer, by my own quest to be healthy and live life to the best of my ability. And while I know I am not the thinnest or most ripped person in the world, I can honestly say that I have struggled with my weight and fitness and my own illness demons – and truly believe I can pass this onto my clients as motivation. My long-term goal would be to open my own wellness studio, along with a biokineist, physiotherapist and dietician etc. all working under one room and helping each other a Wellness Private Practice.

I can’t believe that last time I felt so excited about something. I finally think , after YEARS of searching for it, I’ve found it – the thing that makes me tick, that I can do for “work” but really consider it for “fun.” The possibilities are endless, the hours will allow me time to do other things as well, like freelancing writing for health magazines, buy a Bootcamp Franchise etc.

I am so excited. For my first time in my life, I feel alive with possibility. With freedom. Something I never feel when I think about marketing… (erugh)

I am hoping once I start studying next month, knowing I am working each day towards my “out”; that this will make each day behind this desk more bearable. That each day behind this desk is essentially one more day closer to my freedom.

So there it is. You are free to your own opinions on whether it is right or wrong, if I can do it or I can’t. or if I should or shouldn’t. That’s cool. You are entitled to that. But the only opinion that currently has any merit at the moment is my heart. Not pride. Not experience. Not reason. Just my heart. (but your words of encouragement most welcome!)

So ya, let’s hold thumbs for no more depressing Facebook status’s! Apologies for all the emo-ness. It had to be done to get to this point I suppose.

Phew. Glad it’s out there now. So let’s get to it! (taking applications for fitness guinea pigs, anyone keen?)

lots of love,  Bear 2.0